does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
