I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
