oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
