i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
