my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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