i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Life is so much better after having sex.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
