If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize