Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
