i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
