note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
