After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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