dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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