Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize