My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
