I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
