she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Is this like a preordered booty call?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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