I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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