kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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