my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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