then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
