it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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