so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
