We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
