i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
