Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
