The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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