is your mom at the bar?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
