is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
