I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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