I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
