And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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