yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize