i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
