Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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