Whod you bang
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
