there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
