the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
