we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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