I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
BRING THE BAGELS
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
