it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
