im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
