We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
