nut hugger
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We had sex on a dog bed..
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
