i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
