You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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