I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
