this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
