Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
