Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
