wakey wakey hands off snakey
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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