you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
