Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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