Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
