please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
