Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
