No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
