what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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