Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize