his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
