he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
