I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
