I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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