He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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