Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
