she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
