i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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