just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I want a musical about memes.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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