nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
