I got chris browned last night
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
