I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
