nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
