Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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