It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
