Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
