Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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