i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
