I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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