yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
