I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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