I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
