Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
