we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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