i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
