She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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