There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
