One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
