that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
