I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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