I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
COCAINE IS GR8
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
