Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
