She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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