I skipped work to stalk him.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize