marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Holy shit dude........stairs
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
