did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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