I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize